


I'm Here

by castielsangelcondom



Series: Trans Alex [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9505391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielsangelcondom/pseuds/castielsangelcondom
Summary: Alex and Thomas have a pregnancy scare. Alex freaks out and so does Thomas. They fight but it's okay because Thomas is there no matter what.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A comment I saw this morning nade me address this although it was already brewing  
> Not much to say enjoy your angst.
> 
> S/n: I think thomas and alex would actually be okay communicaters? They're both opinionated but pretty diplomatic idk

     Alex and Thomas never really thought much about the implications of having a child. I mean sure they both knew they did not want kids under any circumstances.

     Therefore they never really gave it much thought.

      Alex remembers the first time he ever asked Thomas if he ever wanted kids and he retorted "I have 8 brothers and sisters Alex, and by children I think you mean demon spawn." Alex laughed and they pretty much dropped the topic.

       It wasn't the most popular opinion to not ever want children but they had decided it fit for them.

    Leaving Alex with knots in his stomach and almost bile in his throat right now. It was like Thomas and Alex completely forgot it even was possible for him to get pregnant if he was on T. He still had his period however it had dwindled down to being more of a every 4 months kind of thing.

    And with all the different things and very posssible pregnancy symptoms going on with his body right now he couldn't just ignore it.

      So here Alex was biting his lip and standing in the middle of the pregnancy test trying to figure out which one to buy and throw it in his bag before Thomas finished getting whatever hair products he'd been mumbling about for the past week.

      And knowing Thomas that would take a while. "Alex?"

     Or maybe not. Alex's felt his face flush red as his boyfriend walked over to him. 

"What are you doing?"

"I think I might be pregnant." Alex said nonchalantly.

    They both stood in shared silence as Alex's eyes scanned the 15 different types of pregnancy tests.

    "Why would you think- Alex cut him off grabbing a test.

    "Thomas did you use a condom the first and only time we had sex?" Thomas sat there thinking before a realization dawned over him and he choked out a small "No."

    Their walk to the check out aisle, which would usually be filled with small talk about assignments that needed to be done or debates about political topics on the magazines at the front was now silent.

     Including the rude look the cashier gave them seeing the pregnancy test. Though Thomas made sure to flip them off on the way out.

     The tension in the car was high and Thomas's attempts to break it were met with silence. So Thomas set his hand on Alex's knee. Alex looked out the window, trying not to let Thomas see that he had started crying.

     "I can barely handle having my period with out bursting into tears, let alone having a baby."

    Thomas squeezed his knee and Alex pushed his hand off and put his legs up on the seat curling in on himself.

    "Just stop okay?" Alex said letting out a deep breath and blinking away more tears.

     Once Thomas pulled up into the parking lot, Alex followed him up to the apartment, arms crossed and eyes red and puffy. As Alexander was about to go into the bathroom Thomas grabbed his arm.

    "You dont have to do this alone. I'm here for you. This is my shit too Alex." Alex looked over at him eyes angry.

    "You're not the one that might be carrying a fucking child."

    "But that doesn't mean it's not my responsibility too. Fuck I'm scared to Alex."

    Alex looked down, anger seeming to brew within him. 

    "I've spent my entire life, hating myself. Trying to be the one thing I felt that everyone told me I was not. Crying everytime I got my period because I felt like I had been cursed. Risking brest cancer as 15 year old just to bind my chest. Letting my so called foster dad touch me just so he would get me testosterone. Fuck even sometimes hating the man I love because you got to born in the body of the gender you are. and you're going to tell me it's your shit too?"

   Alex pointed at Thomas tears streaming down his face and body shaking in anger. "You don't get to share my burden Thomas!"

     By now Alex's body was raked with crying and he could barely hold himself up with the wall. A few seconds of silence passed before Thomas spoke.

   "You're right."

   Alex's chest was clenching and unclenching, unsure of what to say.

    "I don't get to share that burden. But I try as hard as I can to be there for you Alex. I don't know what you want me to do anymore! It's like nothing I do is good enough! I can be your rock but I can't figure out your issues!" Alex's heart dropped about 10 levels and that pang in his chest felt more like a forest fire.

 "Get out."

 "Alex I'm just."

 "Get the fuck out of this apartment please." Alex's voice was hoarse and he had no strength left in him to argue. Thomas knew that Alex pushed him away like this when he was scared. He was so used to having to fight on his own. But he didn't have to anymore. Thomas walked over to Alex's exhausted figure and grabbed him.

   Alex fought his hold yelling at him to let go but he eventually burst into tears in Thomas's arms and they both slid down the floor, Alex sobbing into his chest.

   "It's okay baby boy, I got you. I'm not going anywhere." Alex cried even harder gripping Thomas's t-shirt.

    "I'm so scared Thomas." He could barely get the words out, his breathing hiccuping throught the sentence. Thomas rubbed his back whispering reassurances into his ear.

    "We're going to do this together okay? and no matter the outcome, I'm here. Whether it's a false alarm, or you don't want it, or if we'll have a little Hamilton running around here in 9 months." Alex laughed through his hiccuping.

    Thomas always knew how to calm him down. How to put something other than a frown on his face even if it was just for a second. After calming Alex down completely Alex quietly told him he wanted to take it and he loosened his grip letting him go into the bathroom. A few minutes later Alex called out to him.

     "I don't know if I did this right but I peed on it so I guess we'll wait?"

    Alex walked out the bathroom and pulled Thomas into a hug halting the taller man's pacing back and forth.

"I'm sorry." Thomas muttered. "I'm an ass when I'm worried about you."

"I think we're both assholes when we're mad in general?" Alex said unsure. "Just please, it helps if you don't make me feel like a caged animal when we argue, it just maks me lash out and say things I don't mean." Alex looked down gripping Thomas's shirt.

    Thomas rested his hands over Alex's.

   "I never meant to make you feel like that I'm so sorry baby. It's just hard for me to watch you push me away when I know you're upset."

    He ran his hands through Alex's hair and carassed his face. "I know it's just what I always had to do I guess, I'm sorry I made you feel like you weren't good enough, you're more than enough Thomas."

   Alex trailed off thinking about how the test was probably finished.

   "I think it's been 5 minutes." Thomas squeezed his hands following him into the bathroom. The test sat on a towel on the counter face down. Alex reached for it letting out a long breath and turned it over. He stared at it for what seemed like an eternity before saying in a small voice.

"It's negative."

They both seemed to let out this huge breath they had been holding.

"Thank god." Thomas muttered.

"We're never having sex again." Alex murmured.

While one could say they argued for nothing but Thomas was a bit relieved. They needed to have that conversation and he was glad it was sooner rather than later.

"Corection we're never having sex without a condom again, although I'm almost inclined to agree with you." Thomas kissed Alex laughing.


End file.
